So today was on a emotional roller coaster! but the good news is (or not so good news), is that I made it through the day! Hip Hip! Hooray (yes I broke out the hip hip hooray). so now I am going to take my emotional ass to bed early but I wanted to post on my "no body is following" no body cares blog. LOL! No really this beats Facebook posting to people who actually know me. Now, I have a place where I can be totally honest with myself and the public. Maybe, just maybe I'll get some feedback one day and if not... Let's just say at least I have a place to diary now and document my CRAZY crazy life!
Truth is, I cried a river today at group. I cried for ABOUT 2 HOURS straight. Guess I better get it all out because I go back to work on 04/04/10 and hell, won't be no dam time for tears after that! I guess I am getting a bit of anxiety about returning to work and besides that I got stood up SOoooO BAD today. I don't even know why I try anymore with men. Seems like a chronic "NO GO" and for me it is rocket science in that I just can't get it right. To get even a little hope that this man from Texas who left me with no notice or explaination a year ago was going to keep his word (this time) and show up all the way in Cali for "ME" was, can I say "STU...PID". Negative thinking...cognitive distortions...I say nah these are facts. I just don't get it and I am Str8 running out of time to get it. Imma be old and shribbled by the time I find love. I'll be 50 talking bout baby give me some of your old ass sperm so we can have a baby with down syndrome or something or I'll be beggin some young Bitch to carry my baby (bump beggin, I'll be paying!). Anywho, I gotta get it together. Please pray for me! WOO Honey!
By the way. Did you see my "fake ass", "wanna be", "trying too hard" ass basketweave? Ha ha ha. Cute huh? "A" for effort right??? Like men, imma get right! Imma be a pro! Pee* Aar* rOw. PRO!
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