July 4th

So, I went to the family picnic. It was pretty ok until the end right before I got in my car to leave. I saw my (only) male cousin and I tried to hug him and he refused. I walked up to him and said "I was chasing you trying to hug you" and he said "I can't do that (hug me)". It really kinda hurt my feelings. I can't believe that he is still angry about something that happened several years ago. I don't even recall exactly why he is mad at me but he stormed off like it happened yesterday. The whole experience reminded me that "my" family picnic is actually "their" family picnic and I maybe was not as welcome as I thought. It was at that very moment that all the instances confirming that belief flashed before my eyes. Like the fact that cousin Kym (his sister) did not hug me either. Reminded me that they don't like my mother and none of her daughters...they say that we are messy but truth is no one is messier than their mother. Their mother is the glue to our family. She is older and I can't help but wonder what will happen if she passes...you think its bad now. Why does it matter? I don't even see them enough to really be trippen off them but I am. Family is important to me and I want us to all get alone but that's not happening! So I shed a couple of tears on the ride home and then I wished for my Antwan Fisher family to find me soon. I am SO old to not have a man. I need my husband to find his way home soon. Just wanted to talk about my 4th of July with someone who would be neutral and who wouldn't judge or blame me for what happened. Thanks no man's land!Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®